Seasons

At this time of year, as the weather changes and the climate shifts, I tend to feel some sadness. Im saying goodbye to my favourite season, Summer , and sadly making way for Winter, my least favoured season.

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But this does not mean i will let this phase change me . I use this to fuel more artistic sides of my personality as i will be spending most of the time indoors cuddled with my warm penguin plushies and cup of aromatic hot chocolate under the covers.

Recently ive been back to writing little of my thoughts and feelings down as it helps me express myself better. Not through like amazingly fancy vocab , but through simple words in a flowy arrangement.

Heres a little something i wrote up for this occasion :

The summer fades in a fleeting haze
 
The breeze chills and  the sky’s shades become memories in the sad song that plays on the fine afteroon sunset as the car speeds on the highway
 
The fog rises as the sun sets and the track ends leaving the feelings of nostalgia to decent
Onto the coldness of the last spark of the warm bonfire inside a slowly beating heart.

The earth seems to go to sleep suddely on the shoulder of the universe.
 
Silence scares all the excitement away so the seasons can swiftly change as you hear the air whisper ….
 
 Welcome to the
transition phase

I hope you enjoyed that ^_^ feel free to share your thoughts. And as always, thank you for reading.

-Alice// Cookie

Girls, Boys and Feelings

I was just thinking of how usually girls are said to be weaker “feeling wise” which I think is not true at all. Girls are more confident with sharing their feelings and having a discussion about it with other girls even though girls are more likely to backstab you than a guy would. In “She’s The Man” when Viola was pretending to be her twin brother Sebastion – when the guys were talking about how they should act nice towards the girl that recently broke up so they’d have a chance with her then Viola starts to talk about how sad the girl looked and how lonely she must be feeling and then the guys freaked out and left. Its like talking about feelings is a deathly plague for males. We all know that girls barely keep their mouth closed while guys aren’t so excited about gossips like girls so there is a less chance this dude is going to go tell everybody about something you told them, doesn’t that give comfort to talk about how you feel? Knowing that this person wont use this information you shared as a weapon against you later on just for them to get more attention.

I thank god for making me a girl so I wouldn’t be attracted to girls. I would never get in a relationship with girls and not just because I’m religious but for the fact that girls love to complicate everything. Pretty much the only girl I met that doesn’t like to complicate stuff is Alice and look where that got us, we’ve been friends since 6th grade (now 12th-13th grade) with no fights. We just hate complicating stuff and if there is an easier way to fix something we welcome it with open arms. Ofc were still like other girls but we just care less, geddit?

Also whats up with girls talking shit of their “best friends”? I’ve seen million cases of this. Either a girl is jealous of her friend so she talks shit of her in front of other people to make them dislike her so she’s supposedly now their favourite out of both of them however, in reality I’ve never seen this work out well. That person you’re trying so hard to make them believe that your best friend is a slut has a brain to think of their own and realise that you’re the one talking bad of a person that you tell everyone is the closest person to you. Wouldn’t it be to obvious which one is the person that shouldn’t be trusted? For all the times I’ve seen this happens, usually either this person is seen on her true colours instantly or everything just comes out later.

Ahmad told me about something like this a few days ago, a girl was talking bad of what she told him was her best friend and he was so surprised as to what she was doing and I bet he was even more surprised to hear that this happens a lot in the Girl World. Oh and Also my friend Berry (or like we like to tell people that were twins) got a call from an old guy friend a few days ago who was her ex-best friend’s ex. He stopped talking with Berry long time ago and it turns out that Berry’s ex bestie used to tell him lies about her to make him hate her because apparently he used to like Berry before her. Like seriously he went out with you anyway wtf do you want?

I don’t think I’ve ever been put in this situation because gladly I don’t give two hoots about all this crap and I’ve had a good senses when I choose who to befriend or maybe its happening right now and I have no idea of it? Hmmm also I do happen to have the memory of Dory the fish… Boo idc xD see? Life is much easier that way.

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How cute are my anklets? So cute, eh? Just wanted to share this picture even though it has nothing to do with what I was saying ^~^#

Have care free life!
Buh bye

-Panda/Deww

Turquoise Floral Nail Art tutorial

Hello lovelies! I’ve missed blogging and especially doing nail art – school killed me, man -__- I feel like I want to do nothing all this summer just to get back at school wtf.

While at the drugstore last week I think, I found this awesome turquoise nail polish (by Maybelline Colour Show in urban turquoise) and if you don’t know, my favourite colour is turquoise so of course I had to buy right away! It was at a good price too 20LE. Found it in Mazaya for 28LE wtf.

Annnyway lets get this tutorial started

Nail Polishes:
Base & Top coat
Turquoise
Black (mine has silver glitters but can hardly see)
White paint or nail polish but I personally prefer using acrylic paint

1. Paint your ring and thumb nails with black and the rest using the turquoise.
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2. I then used a brush to draw to white flowers with white paint. Just draw a 3 petals, that’s enough.

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Tip: you don’t have to buy a nail art brush, just buy a water colour paint brush num. 00 – also make sure you dip it in vaseline to protect it.

3. Add black polka dots on your turquoise nails and a turquoise dot in the middle of the flower. Then add two leaves buy adding a curves line beside the flower and then creating “u” shapes on either side of it…

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And that’s it, you’re done!

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What do you think? (^ω^)

Have you guys seen the new Christian Louboutin nail polish?

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I read that its $50 a bottle?! Wtf seriously, why? Its pretty I must admit but still with that price I expect some magic to happen on my nails. Also how do you get any control or precision with that brush? Idk who in their right mind would buy it .-.

-Panda/Deww

DIY: Activated Charcoal Face Mask

I’ve been having really bad breakouts for the past few weeks and my mud masks aren’t doing a good job at fighting the acne lately – maybe I need new masks. However, I find that nothing works as good as home made masks. So I did a little research and found that activated charcoal is great at fighting off acne and so I cracked my own little recipe.

Ingredients:
1 activated charcoal pill
1 tsp of yogurt
1/2 tsp of honey
Few drops of orange blossom water

Benefits:
1. Charcoal has natural detoxifying properties. It draws oils, bacteria and dirt out of pores which helps in fighting acne.

2. Yogurt is always my go to product during break outs. Its benefits are countless! It contains:
Zinc which is an anti inflammatory that makes it good a reducing swellings caused by acne and even out skin tones. It also has mild astringent properties to help tighten the skin tissue.
Lactic Acid smoothes rough skin, exfoliates and moisturises and is anti ageing.
Calcium helps in skin regeneration and is an anti oxidant which heals dry skin.
B-vitamins hydrates skin and makes it glow and is necessary for cell growth and skin renewal. It also protects the skin from free radicals.
All of these help in clearing acne, lighting and tightening the skin and maintaining a wrinkle free skin.

3. Honey is a natural anti bacterial which is great to prevent acne. It is full of anti ageing properties. Moisturising, soothing and clarifying (opens up pores).

4. Orange blossom water or you can use normal water, but I find this more beneficial to my skin. Orange blossom water is rich in A, C and anti oxidants. It helps in balancing skin oils, hydrates, firms and reduces redness.

Directions:

Put the charcoal pill in a small bowl and add a few drops of orange blossom water to help break it down to powder, this could take a long time. I kept hitting the pill with my spoon to break it and when it finally did, I placed it on the back of the spoon and started grinding it on the bowl like how you do with a mortar and pestol. After it became a liquid, I added my honey and yogurt and stirred.

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The mask is a silvery black colour which is very pretty must I say. No it is not staining and easy to take off, but takes a really long time to dry. I think around 45 minutes?

I applied it before my shower today and after I came it my skin was noticeably improved. My acne swelling was gone by a lot and the redness was reduced, I think I’m in love with this mask. Its not even messy!

-Panda/Deww

Single by choice…. My choice

A few weeks ago I’ve been asked out by a new friend, but of course I turned him down. I don’t know why, but I haven’t fallen for anyone for a really long time. I didn’t find it weird until Ahmad stated that its not “normal” I guess? Its not my fault though now one has been living up to my expectations hahaha :P

Usually when a guy compliments me, it attracts me to them however, this time it didn’t. Not even a little bit, even if his compliments were showering me, I couldn’t scroll up in our chat without finding a comment he said about how nice or pretty I am. Still it didn’t build any feelings in me, I didn’t want him to stop neither did I want his feelings towards me to go anywhere. The dude even ordered a book about Japan because he knew how big my love is towards Japan. It was pretty obvious that he liked me and I tried to dodge the likes he was throwing at me in every way possible. Here is something about guys: they only hear what they like and their brain does not register what they don’t like. I’ve thrown countless of comments on how I couldn’t care less about relationships and it seemed to walk right passed him, he wouldn’t even wave goodbye.

I don’t really want a relationship that would go anywhere and the way he talked showed how much he would want the love story crapp – know a girl at young age and marry and get
Kids when older so it kinda freaked me out. I don’t even want to get married for god’s sake and the thought of just being with the guy forever didn’t feel good. I don’t want to “settle down”, I’m just 17 almost 18 and I have no intentions of getting married someday and I want to be alone for some time. Like live alone and travel alone, not tied down to anyone. Just the thought of relationships is too restricting. Mainly due to how Egyptian guys love to be in control of the girl.

I don’t plan on getting into a relationship any time soon and if I do, I’ll make sure that the unfortunate guy knows that the relationship wont go anywhere and of course there must be attraction. I almost got mad at myself for rejecting the guy and question myself on how bad it could be, luckily I knew it would be really bad because I don’t like commitment.

Something that I learned about guys is that when they like someone, they see them as perfect. I don’t like being seen as perfect because I know I’m not, I’d have to keep up the person’s expectations that I know I’ll never be able to live to keep up with them plus I cant see anyone as perfect, that’s a part of myself that I really like because its built up on art; see the pretty in ugly and ugly in pretty, perfect is an illusion and I dot like it. Would that make me the bad guy in the relationship?

-Panda/Deww

Watermelon and Oatmeal Smoothie

Yay for recipes! So first of all, have a happy Ramadan! Ramadan really confuses the hell out of me, we have few hours to eat AND a lot of us end up gaining weight. Probably because were to tired to exercise and of you’re an Arab then iftar is a meal that would normally feed you for a 3 days. Surprises me how much I can feed my petite body in few hours without exploding *ka-boOOM* wahahahahahaha

However since 10th grade I lost any sense of hunger, I just eat because I like the food or I feel like eating. So for 3 years I haven’t eaten an Arab approved Ramadan meal. Though I’ve been eating a lot lately for no reason, I just find everyone eating and I join them just because I like the food available, not because I need it -.- I’ve been losing my willpower to lose weight, guise .-.

I searched some easy recipes and types of food that would fill me up so I would avoid eating, of course the internet is full of these, but being the lazy red merpanda I am, I just took the ingredient I needed and added it to whatever fruit I had and made a smoothie because throwing everything in the blender is easy and lazy community approved.

Ingredients:
3 cups of watermelon (seedless)
5 tsp of oatmeal
Agave nectar
Half a cup of water

Directions:
If your watermelon has seeds, don’t worry about it. Just pluck out as much seeds as you can get out.

Cut the watermelon on medium sized cubes. I found this size is the best but i guess it depends on the blender’s shape. Then add them in the blender

Add half a cup of water in the blender just to get everything started and easier to blend.

Blend for a while and then add 5tsp of oatmeal then blend again.

So the agave nectar is optional – I didn’t like how the oatmeal made the smoothie taste, it wasn’t bad but it made it taste more powdery? XD idk it just took away the sweetness of the watermelon so I added half a tsp and blended.

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TA DA!! That’s it, a lazy diet approved healthy smoothie! 4 cups serving

Not bad, eh? I found it really yummy and refreshing.

Tell me what you think ~~

-Panda/Dew

Ps. I blogged 2 days ago about my graduation ceremony but somehow the post got deleted, well not all of it, 70% of what I wrote got deleted FML. I’m not sure if I have the energy to retype everything again.

Fantasy

Hi guise, so I decided I wanted to share this part of me. I’ve been suffering from this for quite sometime now and I think I’m comfortable enough to talk about it now. Daydreaming has taken a huge part of my life. I think it started around 7th grade. I was in school on the swings with my friends – each one listening to whatever music that was blasting in our headphones. At that time I decided to make up a story in my head about what the song was about: me being the main character but of course joined by my favourite friends. No one liked to be alone even though at that time I had many friends, but I was still alone and I wasn’t the person I wanted to be. It never stopped since then. I would spend my breaks like this almost every day and it didn’t happen just in school, it broke its way it and came with me along car rides.

 

I think around 9th grade was the time my parents were splitting up and my dreams continued to increase because it was better than the life I was living. It was a drastic change in my life, I always felt alone and to sum it up: I was an annoying emotional teenage girl that thought what she was going through is the worst that could ever happen. However I do have a good understanding of myself, I knew that in whenever I was put in a bad situation I would instantly feel like the victim so I knew some other people were going through worse, I knew my situation could be even worse than it is but I still couldn’t remove that feeling. To get out of this I would read online non-fiction stories to see worse situations that are really happening and to make me feel grateful about my life.

 

I decided that I can daydream without the music, it allowed me to block out all the fighting and stuff that I didn’t want to hear. My daydreams were basically to impress people I wanted to notice that I’m not just boring, but the truth was I was boring. I couldn’t do any of the crap I imagined I can do. I also made up fictional characters for my support like Peter Pan had the Lost. Kids? Kinda like that. I started to create my own world in my head. I even grew up in it.

 

Later I took up cutting because not everything would be blocked with daydreams, even if they were, I’d still know that something happened. Cutting became a habit. I kinda loved doing it. My use of cutting and daydreaming continued as I decreased my crying and complaining/talking. Ever since, crying became a weird thing for me. I never really cry anymore, maybe a few tears slip during times I cant block out but I never actually cry. Crying has became a very weird thing for me, it surprised me when my friends would come and tell me they cried and I’d just think “Really? you do that? People are okay with crying?”

 

The life I created in my head was way better than the one I’m in so why not do it all the time? I don’t know, but it was like the more I daydream the more I thought maybe that would/could actually happen.

 

The dreams I used to have were changed to be more realistic to give myself hope that this could actually happen. I enjoy adding terrible situations to my daydreams. It would make me accepting of anything bad coming my way except failure and being fully alone. Currently I might face failure and I might be destroyed because I feel lost. To try to comfort and stop myself from thinking negatively I daydream.

 

I would read online fictions and re-imagine myself in the story, same with movies except if a daring part in the movie would take place, it would freak me out to the point I’d have to pause the movie for a while to calm myself down because doing what happened in the movie I’d be so embarrassed. I don’t know what is this, but it would raise a very weird feeling in me that scared me.

 

Few months ago (I’m a Senior now) I found myself dreaming 24/7 and it was out of control. I don’t know how long it went on because it made me lose sense of time. It was affecting my whole life. I would never remember the stuff I blocked out even if I had no intention of blocking out. if someone was talking to me, I would just find it impossible to concentrate. If someone would ask me to do something I’d just nod but in reality I had no idea what they told me, my brain refused to register anything during that period. It was really bad that I googled to see if it is and actual thing and came to the conclusion that it is Maladaptive Dreaming… Or it might be. I never read about it till this day. I realised that I don’t want to stop dreaming, I want it to be under my control, but never to stop.

 

I do know its becoming an unhealthy obsession, but not like smoking. It wont ruin my organs. I wont strut around smelling bad. I believe that the dreams made me smarter. I do wish for it to stop one day, just not now.

 

All I want to do is to put it under my control. I don’t want to laugh or be sad irl at something I made up in my dream. I want to put my emotions in control.

 

-Panda/Deww