Heroin Addiction ✧

IMG_1571[1]Today I started watching this show about drug addiction, a lot of Egyptians probably have finished watching it already. Its called Taht ElSaytara (Under Control). I couldn’t help but see myself in the lead actress, we share a lot of traits with a few small but at the same time major differences. We both overthink everything, we’re not good with confrontations, we’re both stuck in lives we can’t control and we fear losing control of our lives, we fear a lot of stuff, especially lonelliness but we’re both strong. We chose different passes to deal with our lives and this is due to our different traits. I have anxiety disorder. My anxiety controls me, it makes me think of the unthinkable. I think about something before it happens, its results and consequences; its usually just delusions and nothing ever happens, but I still worry about it until I feel like my body is struggling from addiction. Surprisingly, my anxiety saves me from narcotics. The lead character dove intro narcotics to escape “now”, but escaping isn’t forever and I want something forever however this is called death and I don’t want to die. I have a lot of dreams and I wont rest until I make at least one of those dreams come true. My method of escaping consists of dreaming, either asleep or awake. While still watching this series I thought maybe that evil faux friend haven’t tripped me yet, but will get to do so in the future and I’d fall. As if the computer heard me and and decided to reply me, a sentence was said, “… Some people just never think of it.”. Even though this laptop I’m using isn’t mine, but it definitely is a damn good friend – it answered my question if I’ll ever fall. I won’t. I never thought about drugs or even alcohol for that matter. I hate being controlled and I’m not one of those stupid people who just doesn’t believe that these substances can’t control me. They’re not a living thing, this doesn’t mean its weaker than humans. If medicines can heal our bodies then narcotics can destroy us. The only control we have over it is to take its pass or not. I hate losing control of myself, it scares me beyond anyone could begin to understand. The character just wanted to lose control at the moment, she didn’t have anxiety to make her worry about the aftermath, she just wanted to stop thinking for a while and she thought that this break would help. It doesn’t, never does. When I started it hookah, it wasn’t because I was just going with the flow. I had researched it before and when the chance came, I tried it and liked it. Its not as addicting as cigarettes so I knew I was safe. So its not that I just “realised” what I’m doing, I knew exactly what I was doing. When I found that I’ve taken I liking to it, the option of vaping appeared to me. I should order one soon as I’ve saved up its money. I thought that I’ve already got people in my life hurting me and unfortunately for me I can’t just rid myself of them so I can’t be hurting myself too. One day I’ll leave this life and I need myself to be ready for this not broken to pieces. I don’t want an escape, I want a solution so I wont have to deal with this shit anymore. -Panda/Deww

Playing With Dolphins {Photography}

1.

Recently when I was talking with Sissy and apparently she was confused about my/our names. I figured out how to add users as Alice and I (Deww) blog here and just blogging from pandacookieoutofthebox user might confuse you and us too as we forget to sign our names after writing comments so now if you look above under the title ^ you’ll see “by pandadeww’ or whatever Alice chooses as her username as she still hasn’t made a username. Hope this clears up confusions and you can also find more about us in… well the “About” section (^^,) Also I just realised that because now I’m a new user I’ll have to refollow everyone I followed on pandacookieoutofthebox.

2.

Sissy, I know I told you I’ll edit the last picture, but you’re so pretty so I ended up stealing one more to edit T_T hope you’re okay with this!

You look like a dark red rose here *~*

when I first so this pic, I instantly was reminded by the 60s!

I hope you like them! (^O^)

3.I went on a week vacation in Ein El-Sukhna, Egypt and returned last Wednesday. We spent the last day in Porto Sukhna and did some fishing. I’m not really into fishing as I – well I just simply suck. It needs a lot of concentration and I cant do this >.<”

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Look at how clear the water is!

My mum sucks at fishing >.< her first catch was a coral and its actually illegal to “fish corals” as its destroying the fishies’ homes. If you look closely, you’ll be able to see a fish! It contained 2 fish, 1 of which we were able to save and 2 crabs.

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Fish my sister and brother caught

A clown fish my brother caught but we had to let go off as they are not edible.
Hamour fish my sister caught, its damn huge! It also could be sold 120+EGP but we ate it x3 it was quite yummy, really soft too!

While we were leaving, dolphins showed up! I was waiting for them during our trip. I just LOVE dolphins, they’re so cutee! When we first saw them, they were far and the fishermen that accompanied us said that there was a shark inbetween them O.O I saw it, its fin was different and had a paler colour. Dolphins, swim around it to protect fish and humans from it. Its sad I couldn’t take a photo of it, it was really far and it was really hard to spot.

They swam beside the boat and kept racing us, it was really hard to take photos as they kept appearing from different sides of the boat, its disappointing to realise that I wasn’t able to capture them while they did the flips, it was adorable!
IMG_1435[1] In the picture above, one of these dolphins did a backward flip as they left. It almost felt like a goodbye Q_Q I didn’t want to say goodbye, they were just so happy and cute

I have videos of the dolphins but I haven’t watched them yet plus I’ll have to remove our talking from it so maybe I’ll post it next blog post ^.^

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I got those waves by tying my hair in a low braid after showering :3

-Panda/Deww

Beach Pictures.

Last time i went to the beach, I captured these photos , it was i think 8 am  and there was no one. The beach was all mine at the time and I felt like i should grasp the chance and take some shots. (These are unedited pics as well).

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     (Heres one panorama pic as well)

Just thought it looked so serene ~
Enjoy them ×
-Cookie

Beach Pictures.

Last time i went to the beach, I captured these photos , it was i think 8 am  and there was no one. The beach was all mine at the time and I felt like i should grasp the chance and take some shots. (These are unedited pics as well).

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    (Heres one panorama pic as well)

Just thought it looked so serene ~
Enjoy them ×
-Cookie

Red eye Makeup 

I’ve been loving red eyeshadows for quite a while but never really had the chance to try it out as I thought I don’t own one but apparently I do wtf. My 88 color palette cool matte eyeshadow has this brownish looking colour but its actually reddish. 

  

  • The Body Shop’s Instablur all-in-one primer
  • lancôme’s Teint Idole Ultra 24H foundation in no. 01 Beige Albatre
  • Maybelline’s Clear Smooth All In One Shine Free Cake Powder in no. 01 Nude Beige
  • bH Cosmetics 88 Color Palette Cool Matte Eyeshadow
  • The Body Shop’s Liquid Eyeliner in no. 1
  • Catrice Kohl Kajal pencil in no. 040 White

I love this look to be honest, especially this day I looked really pretty – its shame I didn’t take more photos >.< I was already late

{I just blent in the red all over my eye lid and blent it away to make my eyes look longer. To highlight, I’d suggest avoiding white. I used a very small amount of shimmery pink eyeshadow on the brow bone and the middle of my eyelid and blent it really well}
Yesterday I repeated the same makeup look, because I woke up at 9am and had nothing better to do than play with makeup. However, I changed it up a bit. 

  
I used a purple eyeshadow before the red on the outer V of the lid to give more depth and used Wet’n’Wild’s megaprotein Mascara on my lower lashes only.

  
The Body Shop’s instablur primer could actually be used as an eyeshadow primer, makes the eyeshadows more vibrant and it makes all of my make up last longer so it would probably do the same with eyeshadow :P

  
I added a little bit of Catrice’s Sun Glow Matte Bronzing Powder for Light Skin alond my jawline and sides of my nose and Wet’n’Wild’s coloricon lipliner in no. 712 Willow to my lips.


Camwhore attack!

  
My eyes looks like some kind of thorned rose wtf

  
Why does half of my face look better than all of my face? x.x

  
  
That’s it I guess, I don’t want to turn this blog to place of unprofessional selfies. Maybe one day I’ll learn to take good professional photos of my makeup that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to post (^^,)

  

Dress Shopping 

I’ve been wanting a new maxi dress since forever! I think everyone should own at least 1 maxi dress because they’re so comfortable and they could easily make you look dolled up without any effort. 
So I went to Cairo Festival Mall to shop. Was pretty happy about the amount of sales there tbh and it wasn’t crowded till the point you would want to scream bloody murder for people to walk faster. I mean why? Why do people like to stand infront of store doors like either get in or get your ass movin’. Anyway the crowd was still there but not as annoying as it would normally be considering that I went at around 10pm and there was a sale. 
Here is what I bought~

  
This is from Reserved. The dress’ top isn’t suppose to be loose like this, but I’m short so I had to pull the elastic waist thingie up so I wouldn’t smash my face. 

  
Crochet dress from American Eagle. This dress was a last piece and it was only available in size medium, however this happens to work in my favour as the dress shouldn’t be this long actually. It looked like it should hang between feet and knees which I personally think would look super effin’ awkward. Like imagine someone asking of your dress is suppose to count as long or short and you just stand there sweating like and idiot because the dress comes half way wtf what is this length called, average? The perks of being a tiny human is that this is dress is a long dress on me. 
  
In the fitting room, I found this awesome thing. Its a button that turns on a blinker outside your fitting room so that it would alert the person sitting in the fitting room area folding random clothes (idk what the job is called wtfbbq) that you need their help. Idk if this is available normally in other countries but it sure doesn’t here in Egypt. 
  
I went for a coffee break, because I had a blazing headache and I couldn’t locate Brioche Dorée so I hate to settle for Starbucks. Turned out pretty well since they had a new cookie crumbs frappé added and it tastes so goooooooood. 

   
 
I continued my shopping from there but I didn’t buy anything more. These head pieces were adorable but fucking expensive for just little things BUT camwhoring is free so screw it. 

The hat would’ve looked amazing with the crochet dress but *sob sob*

  

So on an unrelated topic

  
My sister sent me this, any spn fans here?

I’m born in August, my parent would be Rowena! Dude I’m fucked up. Rowena? This is the most evil character ever on the show! She literally sold her son for three pigs, I have no idea what she would do with me >.<

~  

 

Torture

  

  This picture refects how I feel. 

Knowing that someone is causing her pain because she feels it, however refuses to acknowledge who is causing it by closing her eyes. Even though she deep down knows who it is. It’s complicated. She doesn’t hold grudges, she lets out her pain to be lost in the universe hoping that one day it would be forgotten.

This is my first time drawing how i feel, so I’m pretty happyy. I’m not sure how it happened. I just suddenly had a picture in my head that i needed to get out. 

  
Up on my wall with Alkina. Its quite small, but it was a doodle so its okaay. I’ll share my wall soon but when it looks prettier since I’m gonna DIY more wall decorations other than my drawings. 

~

-Panda/Deww