Reality Vs. Dreams

In dreams, I’m a good person, a loved person. I get good grades. I’m good at what I do. My parents are proud of me, however I don’t live with either of them. I travel around in fact I am given the choice to live in the country I most wish to be there in reality.

In reality, I’m … I’m not sure who I am. I’m a person who is provided with with two roads to take. I cant choose, in fear of taking the wrong way. Asking for help doesn’t do anything in my favour. Scared of taking a wrong step, I step backwards, until I find a temporary gateway. Its temporary, but it makes me happy to be there. Unfortunately, after I’m out of it, its time to make a decision, time to realise its just a dream… Dream.

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I dream to be an interior designer, successful in it. Nothing is holding me back. I love what I’m doing. People are proud of me. I AM proud of myself. Doing what I love to do with my friends.

I’m just a student who tries hard, but never achieves. Not sure of the idea behind my existence. I’m sure everyone is created to do something. Doctors, engineers, teachers, maids, thieves, kidnapers, murderers and rapists. Good person and a bad person. I don’t know where I go, bad or good?

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I don’t dream of my parents. Some one of them are bad, some of my family are bad, but who? It would help if I knew who’s good. I’d be able to take the right road.

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I dream of being given the choice of living in the country I want to visit, however visiting is not enough. If I live there, I can start new. I’m not sure how would I “start new” by living in another country that is the opposite of what I’m living in. Isn’t that human nature? Our brains are set to think that living in a new country away from people we know will help us start new even if it will pull us out of our comfort zone.

In reality, to take a step to “start new” – you need to figure out which road you should take. Its kinda like stairs, you need to step on each step in order to get to the other one which is higher which means you accomplished something. If you manage to jump two steps in one go, you might risk falling. The step you skipped will hit you back. It wont be one step, it’ll double. Instead of solving on problem, you made it two. The old problem and the people who suffered your step.

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I keep dreaming in hope of it someday to be reality. I try to make it as realistic as possible. As I dream of good stuff, I dream of bad stuff to make it equal. Just like real life, but instead in dreams, I know something good will happen next. In real life, I don’t know what will happen, who is the good and who is the bad. I’m scared of waking up. I’m scared of reality. I’m scared of both roads. I’m scared of everyone. I’m scared of… Myself.

Who am I? Why am I here? So far I can only come up with that I’m born to make everything harder for everyone. I tend to put who ever is closest to my heart in pain. I try to be part of the good, it however refuses me to join and I just cant bring myself to do bad, it disgusts me. Plus I’m putting everyone in pain, its probably enough.

I’m just a confused panda who thinks she might be a human that is putting herself in a world she’s not familiar with and trying to hold responsibilities that pandas aren’t capable of doing. Or maybe I am a human you thinks she’s a panda and is trying to achieve that but running away into dreams because she cant bear that life.

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Sorry for the emo post but I felt like I needed to let that out.

-Panda/Dew or who ever that is…

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