Single by choice…. My choice

A few weeks ago I’ve been asked out by a new friend, but of course I turned him down. I don’t know why, but I haven’t fallen for anyone for a really long time. I didn’t find it weird until Ahmad stated that its not “normal” I guess? Its not my fault though now one has been living up to my expectations hahaha 😛

Usually when a guy compliments me, it attracts me to them however, this time it didn’t. Not even a little bit, even if his compliments were showering me, I couldn’t scroll up in our chat without finding a comment he said about how nice or pretty I am. Still it didn’t build any feelings in me, I didn’t want him to stop neither did I want his feelings towards me to go anywhere. The dude even ordered a book about Japan because he knew how big my love is towards Japan. It was pretty obvious that he liked me and I tried to dodge the likes he was throwing at me in every way possible. Here is something about guys: they only hear what they like and their brain does not register what they don’t like. I’ve thrown countless of comments on how I couldn’t care less about relationships and it seemed to walk right passed him, he wouldn’t even wave goodbye.

I don’t really want a relationship that would go anywhere and the way he talked showed how much he would want the love story crapp – know a girl at young age and marry and get
Kids when older so it kinda freaked me out. I don’t even want to get married for god’s sake and the thought of just being with the guy forever didn’t feel good. I don’t want to “settle down”, I’m just 17 almost 18 and I have no intentions of getting married someday and I want to be alone for some time. Like live alone and travel alone, not tied down to anyone. Just the thought of relationships is too restricting. Mainly due to how Egyptian guys love to be in control of the girl.

I don’t plan on getting into a relationship any time soon and if I do, I’ll make sure that the unfortunate guy knows that the relationship wont go anywhere and of course there must be attraction. I almost got mad at myself for rejecting the guy and question myself on how bad it could be, luckily I knew it would be really bad because I don’t like commitment.

Something that I learned about guys is that when they like someone, they see them as perfect. I don’t like being seen as perfect because I know I’m not, I’d have to keep up the person’s expectations that I know I’ll never be able to live to keep up with them plus I cant see anyone as perfect, that’s a part of myself that I really like because its built up on art; see the pretty in ugly and ugly in pretty, perfect is an illusion and I dot like it. Would that make me the bad guy in the relationship?

-Panda/Deww

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