Busy (Warning: Extreme Rant)

I know i haven’t uploaded much at all. Im not quite good at sharing my feelings most of the time, but this time its okay to say i should blow some steam.

Going into uni has changed some stuff. Its a big place and lots of effort is to be put in, and this effort takes time. People, more importantly friends, have been getting caught up in their own schedules.

Being sort of sentimental and not very welcome of change , ive tried to pretend om not very bothered by it. But sometimes i feel sort of forgotten. Left out of cliques and outing and its supposed to be a new start to getting new friends. People don’t really welcome people in much to their little cirlces , they are usually just engaged on an academic level but not very much socially.

I decided that i need to talk more and try, despite that it failed. Very little success at expanding the pool of people to be even aquainted with.

That sends me a feeling that i either depend too much on people or that ive just got to give up trying .

I dont really feel that close to the people im close with, i feel like im going to be left behind sooner or later. Everyone moves on. Everyone seems to have stuff that theyre engaged in. I even started to think back to sometimes when i lost close friends, how different would it be to not have left them or how it wouldve been if we’d stayed friends.

Its really haunting the feeling that you always care more than others. That its back to small talk and not much else. It hurts to feel like you’ve been forgotten and that you really are only remembered on convinience.

Being alone and lonely differ.Its not pretty being the latter, but its even worse when youre surrounded by people and no one even looks.
I don’t like to expect things from people, or about anything. Feeling like a burden when they think they should talk and keep up is a drag. I just hope i can invest into something that would turn this around or try atleast.

Thank you, if you’ve even made it down here. Have a cookie.

-K (Alice, Cookie)

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Blog-tember Challenge 15 +16 +17

Oh god I’m late again -.- I’ve been super busy with my college paperworks, mind you my college is an hour plus drive from wear I live. Then I didn’t have internet connection at all so that sucked. I feel really bad giving all these excuses since I wanted to commit to this challenge >.< anyway since its already 12:28AM I better get this posted. Hopefully I’ll be able to cook something for tomorrow’s challenge since this one would be really putting me out of my comfort zone, but I came up with and idea of something that will also keep me in my comfort zone. Hopefully it comes out well.

Tuesday, Sept. 15: What’s in your bag? Pick up your purse and peruse its contents, then share with us!”

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I personally never take bags with me because I fucking hate holding holding bags tbh. I usually go out with one of my girlfriends and put my crap in their bags. I mean I understand girl’s love to bags. We have from makeup to ummm chocolates …? Chocolate are really important fyi. If I’m gonna use a bag then I’m going to have chocolate in there for sure.

  1. Wipes
  2. Pen
  3. Notepad
  4. Earbuds
  5. Charger
  6. Chocolate
  7. Makeup bag (Powder/Concealer/Maybe the lipliner I’m wearing)
  8. Compact Mirror
  9. Tissues
  10. Keys
  11. IPurfume
  12. Wallet
  13. Scrunchie

Wednesday, Sept. 16: The real you vs. the online you. Are they the same or different?”

I think the only difference is that I can freely voice my opinions online? I find it hard to find people who can think the same way as I do. Something else is that I have a low voice so its kinda hard not having people talk over you -.- so yea i think thats it, self expression is probably the most thing that is different.


Thursday, Sept. 17: Just for fun, your latest obsession. What can you not get enough of these days?”

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I have a naturally super frizzy hair and super small face so I can let you imagine what I look like in my natural habitat XD I’m not sure if there is even an animal that looks like this … This product though is fucking magic, it makes my hair super healthy, shiny, smooth, reduces frizziness up to 85% and you can use it between shampooing and conditioning or on dry hair. It doesn’t even weigh down your hair like Pantene’s oil replacement. Its super light and conditioning on the hair.

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They have this in apricots and wheat. I tried both and I definitely vote for the apricots. There is instantly results on my hair from the first use with this product. The wheat one is thicker and doesn’t moisturise as good as the apricots so I guess this would be good if you have oily hair? However did tame the frizz a little bit.
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The first thing I have to say about this is that the price is fucking off putting. My brother said he’ll pay so I was like you know what? I’m taking it even though there was this flashing red light in my head going on, probably a way of my brain signalling me to tell me its done with me and that I’m nuts. Which is completely wrong. This gives me a lipgloss shine and isn’t sticky. It tastes so goood like seriously I want someone to kiss when I have it on but then I remember that I’m a forever alone so I get depressed – soon enough though I start licking it off of my lips so I forget why I’m sad. Meh XD I’m not sure about this one but I think it plumps the lips a little bit? There is this pleasant tingling on your lips just like what the books tells you it feels like to kiss someone but that never happens however you will feel the fireworks when you put this on. Maybe all those people kissing in the stories put it on and thats the secret to why the feel the fireworks going on when they kiss, hmmm …. Its also super moisturising, even better than my labello lip balms.


Beach Pictures.

Last time i went to the beach, I captured these photos , it was i think 8 am  and there was no one. The beach was all mine at the time and I felt like i should grasp the chance and take some shots. (These are unedited pics as well).

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     (Heres one panorama pic as well)

Just thought it looked so serene ~
Enjoy them ×
-Cookie

Beach Pictures.

Last time i went to the beach, I captured these photos , it was i think 8 am  and there was no one. The beach was all mine at the time and I felt like i should grasp the chance and take some shots. (These are unedited pics as well).

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    (Heres one panorama pic as well)

Just thought it looked so serene ~
Enjoy them ×
-Cookie

My Best Friend

Hello everyone!
My bestie wrote this awesomesause … “Thing” – idk what is it suppose to be called, an essay on life? I would say a diary post but he’d tell me men don’t keep diaries. Annnyway XD I’m just gonna paste it here so you guise could read it because we both would like to share it. Buckle up your seat belts and ready yourselves since this is a long post.

Enjoy~

Ahmad:

He woke up thinking about her, not the girl he loves no she broke his heart a long time ago, he was thinking about his best friend, she hurt him the day before, which wasn’t the peculiar part he was used to people doing that, what really confused him was how he felt afterwards. She made him feel pathetic and that made him angry, not the feeling he used to get before, usually he felt like it was the inevitable happening “I deserve it” he thought.
No he didn’t deserve it he was a normal boy drowning in problems caused by people that didn’t care that it was overwhelming him because he listened in a world that turned listening into a lost art so they would talk about their problems and he would feel bad for them and then they would lash out because he didn’t know what to say but to him words were useless, they were just words what difference did it make if he used them for love or hate they would never actually listen the just liked the gesture and he wasn’t interested in wasting his breath. Ironically he would listen to the insults and he would let them stab him in the back and humiliate him because he didn’t know what else to do, they were all he had. For the first time in his life he was thinking “I don’t deserve this, this isn’t even my fault.” It was beautiful, after 17 years he finally understood that other people having problems didn’t justify the way he was treated. Could it be that the sessions with the therapist had actually worked? Right now that didn’t matter what mattered was his best friend he would have to fix things with her because even though it wasn’t even his fault, she was his best friend and that’s what friends do.
He felt numb, he simply felt like he did not give a fuck, and it felt exquisite he loved days like these no matter what happened today it wouldn’t matter. He called his dad, who took his time to make fun of him for going to a therapist, he told him that his sister was really upset and that he should call her and make sure she was okay. After it was done he felt nothing, no anger, nothing I guess the world does grant some wishes. He thought of death but he proceeded to think about his dream of a small house with a dog and a wife that made going home something to look forward to, it wasn’t much but it was what happiness and freedom looked like. “I wish people would realize that happiness is simple it’s basically just loving what you’re doing.” Maybe happiness is what you think you can never get or was that greed? He could never tell. He was going about his normal daily routine when he saw that the girl he liked had texted him, he still felt numb so he didn’t get that usual happy feeling, I guess there’s a downside to everything. He texted her back thinking about what his therapist told him “Pick the girl that supports you” he had said he wondered if she was the supportive type, she had listened to him when he was actually talking to her and she was opening up to him. It’s funny how the world works. He met her through a mutual friend, Courtney, her best friend, incidentally Courtney’s other best friend Courtney 2, which is what he liked to call her for obvious reasons, had told him she wasn’t interested in being his friend the first met because “It’s enough I have to listen to Courtney talk about you I don’t want to have to talk to you to.” He told her he wasn’t interested in talking to replicas so she needn’t worry her little head, which earned him a death stare but it was definitely worth it. The girl he liked, Jennifer was really cool and she obviously liked what he had to say, he wasn’t sure if she liked him back or not, to him it didn’t really matter that much he always thought he was lucky when he liked a girl because it always meant she was special and having someone special in your life should always cheer you up.
His opinions were usually weird; he also saw no point in keeping things a secret he simply didn’t care if people said things about him anymore. Why should I care about the judgment of people I would never have as friends. He went to his room to read his head was flooded with his own thoughts, he needed something to ground him and a book seemed like the perfect solution, but while he was looking for a book he was contemplating how he had come to accept his flaws he hoped others would do the same. Maybe I’ll end up saving the world, God knows they need saving.

-Panda/Cookie

P.S. He got an A* in English second lang.

PP.S. I used to copy his homework.

PPP.S. I got a B, wtf XD