The Price

 

31/12 /15 rain


 Around 9th grade I started noticing how a lot of people my age are passing away. Car accidents were really popular around that time and the people who passed away were fortunately just faces to me. I didn’t know any of them but I could have. They were friends of my friends and couldve easily been mine’s too if I was more social. I didn’t want to make a lot of friends. I was scared if I had a lot of friends I’d lose them to death. So I avoided it. 

I think it was around 12th grade that i thought the way I’m thinking is completely irrational and that people die anyway I shouldn’t let this stop me from making friends. I’m now in college and one of the first people I get close too is super sick. I feel like this is a way fate is punishing me in. Its weird that I feel guilty – like I’m the reason his life might end. He didn’t discover disease until we started getting close. Is this possible? That I could be the cause.. I mean I know deep down that this makes no sense but its a feeling that has been bugging me and I needed to let it out. 

I always believed that life had an algorithm it goes by and people just have to cope with the situations until it ends so maybe his disease isn’t a part of my life? Its his to face and too me its just a situation where I show if I’m a worthy friend. I used to think of myself as a weak person because I couldn’t stand up for my friends but lately I’ve changed a lot. Maybe my role here is to prove myself as a good friend. Stand up next to a friend who needs support. I cant really provide much except support it just feels like I should be able to do more because I see him almost daily. I’m not as involved as it feels. 

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Blog-tember Challenge Day 3 + Death

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Thursday, Sept. 3: Create a collage or inspiration/mood board that describes your blog.

  • Methods of Ventilation
  • Inspiration
  • Makeup
  • Traditional Art
  • Cosplays
  • Photography
  • Recipes
  • Nail Art
  • Poetry
  • Shopping
  • Personal/Deep thoughts

Doing a moodboard is really hard when you share a blog >.< especially that Alice isn’t active so I just added stuff I know she blogged about.

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Death

Today, after I finished my papers in uni I decided I was really tired so slept. I had a really weird dream, one of my friends died. When I woke up, my sister told me that our neighbour’s son died and mum went to the funeral. Their Villa is separated to apartments and he lived on the apartment above them. He worked as an interior designer and because of his job he travels a lot and comes back home without notifying them. Apparently he died 3 days ago and they didn’t know that he was even home, they just decided to check his apartment because of the stench, they thought his cat died. I can’t imagine how they felt when they found their son lying there dead and rotting.

I cant help but think about my death too, will I go unnoticed too? Its just so weird how easily a life ends. Yesterday, my friend’s friend died in a car accident.  Am I gonna be next? I’m not scared of death as much as I’m scared of not having the chance to share what I love for this world. I have plans, even though I’m sure that 90% of them wont come to life. I just want to do something of significance before I go ..

-Panda/Deww

Art Makes Death Beautiful

#1

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I was sitting in Starbucks the other day when I saw this flower. I really liked how the dead flower looked esp beside the still alive ones. It freaked me out that I saw beauty in death. This flower died due to how the employees mistreated the plant. Though others still were alive, it made me think what if it died just to rescue the others, like sacrificed itself? Because they weren’t provided with enough water to keep them all alive. Even if they wont live healthily but they will live… Hope. Maybe that they will be treated better in the future.

Its not scaring me as much as when I first saw the beauty of the dead flower. After thinking for a while and coming to this conclusion “hope” – I find it even more beautiful.

I wonder what others think of artists. Probably something along “those people should be locked in a mental asylum” XD

#2

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This was the sky in Egypt last Tuesday. I was sitting in arabic private lesson when I saw this. My teacher could not see the beauty of the sky “its something that he sees everyday”. It wont be special until he loses it – obviously you cant loose the sky but you can loose you’re sight then it will be special. As an artist, I cant wait to have time to draw it. I just love looking at the sky. How it looks different every other hour.

I cant help but think that it looks like its hugging our Earth. Maybe because of the crap we do to it.

#3

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You know who else needs hugs? Yea, kids. Humans.

Love 146.

Humans are the most mistreated creature on Earth and what makes it worse is that the only thing able to mistreat humans are humans.

#4

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All humans are made out of mud but were not mud, were something beautiful – more precious.

Just like diamonds; its made out of the same element as graphite but its structure made it different. One is weak and the other is strong.

Humans are the strongest creatures and the only thing that can break us is other humans.

Are humans good or bad? I don’t know but like any other person I did loose hope in the good.

There are not a lot of strong people and mostly the strong people are the bad ones. Like those girls that were kidnapped, I wont say they were all good but no matter what they did not deserve to sold for sex daily just for the pleasure and money of other humans.

We might not know anything about the girl number 146 but the look on her eyes made the investigators not loose hope in helping these kids. ( if you don’t understand what I’m talking about then watch Michelle Phan’s video here http://youtu.be/u4k2whreYSI or read this love146.org)

Honestly reading stories like this makes me grateful for the not perfect life I’m living. Whenever I feel like complaining I just search the internet for stories like this. I cant offer much help except praying and raising awareness. I just think its better than just reading it and not even pressing a button to share it.

I hope number 146 is somewhere safe as long as other girls. I just wish that someday she’ll know that by not giving up she encouraged other girls not too.

There are more stories like this waiting to be discovered. Its sad to know that there are more stories similar/far worse than this taking place right now but its good to know that people are working hard to help and rescue them. Trying to make a better place for others t live.

Humans have been on Earth for so long and were still alive and giving birth. If humans were so hopeless we would’ve been extinct by now. The fact that were still alive means something – means that we should do whatever we could to help bring justice and spread hope and good deeds around.

… Chocolate is good… I demand you send me chocolate. Don’t add raisins in them please, raisins are bad XDDD

Sorry I felt like I was too deep xD

#5

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I cant help but think about Death Note. Was Light bad or good. He kind of judged people and killed them even if they were given a second chance. Like the guy that he killed to show Ray Penbers that he’s kira – the one that worked in the cafe. I think he was charged with murder and he got away with it. This guy was working which might indicate that he regretted what he had done and saw that when he got away with murder was a second chance for him to be good or maybe not. However Light shouldn’t be the one to kill him, even if he deserved to be killed. That means Light is bad? Well not exactly. Light sacrificed himself for other people to live safely. In the end of the manga, Matsuda said that the criminal rate dropped a lot when Kira was punishing criminals. So he did good for other people.

The person to use the Death Note shall not go to heaven or hell. I think the writer added this rule just because he couldn’t decide if Light should go to heaven or hell.

That’s it for today I guess, sorry for not updating for a long time.

Thank you for reading,
Panda/Dew