Busy (Warning: Extreme Rant)

I know i haven’t uploaded much at all. Im not quite good at sharing my feelings most of the time, but this time its okay to say i should blow some steam.

Going into uni has changed some stuff. Its a big place and lots of effort is to be put in, and this effort takes time. People, more importantly friends, have been getting caught up in their own schedules.

Being sort of sentimental and not very welcome of change , ive tried to pretend om not very bothered by it. But sometimes i feel sort of forgotten. Left out of cliques and outing and its supposed to be a new start to getting new friends. People don’t really welcome people in much to their little cirlces , they are usually just engaged on an academic level but not very much socially.

I decided that i need to talk more and try, despite that it failed. Very little success at expanding the pool of people to be even aquainted with.

That sends me a feeling that i either depend too much on people or that ive just got to give up trying .

I dont really feel that close to the people im close with, i feel like im going to be left behind sooner or later. Everyone moves on. Everyone seems to have stuff that theyre engaged in. I even started to think back to sometimes when i lost close friends, how different would it be to not have left them or how it wouldve been if we’d stayed friends.

Its really haunting the feeling that you always care more than others. That its back to small talk and not much else. It hurts to feel like you’ve been forgotten and that you really are only remembered on convinience.

Being alone and lonely differ.Its not pretty being the latter, but its even worse when youre surrounded by people and no one even looks.
I don’t like to expect things from people, or about anything. Feeling like a burden when they think they should talk and keep up is a drag. I just hope i can invest into something that would turn this around or try atleast.

Thank you, if you’ve even made it down here. Have a cookie.

-K (Alice, Cookie)

Torture

  

  This picture refects how I feel. 

Knowing that someone is causing her pain because she feels it, however refuses to acknowledge who is causing it by closing her eyes. Even though she deep down knows who it is. It’s complicated. She doesn’t hold grudges, she lets out her pain to be lost in the universe hoping that one day it would be forgotten.

This is my first time drawing how i feel, so I’m pretty happyy. I’m not sure how it happened. I just suddenly had a picture in my head that i needed to get out. 

  
Up on my wall with Alkina. Its quite small, but it was a doodle so its okaay. I’ll share my wall soon but when it looks prettier since I’m gonna DIY more wall decorations other than my drawings. 

~

-Panda/Deww

Girls, Boys and Feelings

I was just thinking of how usually girls are said to be weaker “feeling wise” which I think is not true at all. Girls are more confident with sharing their feelings and having a discussion about it with other girls even though girls are more likely to backstab you than a guy would. In “She’s The Man” when Viola was pretending to be her twin brother Sebastion – when the guys were talking about how they should act nice towards the girl that recently broke up so they’d have a chance with her then Viola starts to talk about how sad the girl looked and how lonely she must be feeling and then the guys freaked out and left. Its like talking about feelings is a deathly plague for males. We all know that girls barely keep their mouth closed while guys aren’t so excited about gossips like girls so there is a less chance this dude is going to go tell everybody about something you told them, doesn’t that give comfort to talk about how you feel? Knowing that this person wont use this information you shared as a weapon against you later on just for them to get more attention.

I thank god for making me a girl so I wouldn’t be attracted to girls. I would never get in a relationship with girls and not just because I’m religious but for the fact that girls love to complicate everything. Pretty much the only girl I met that doesn’t like to complicate stuff is Alice and look where that got us, we’ve been friends since 6th grade (now 12th-13th grade) with no fights. We just hate complicating stuff and if there is an easier way to fix something we welcome it with open arms. Ofc were still like other girls but we just care less, geddit?

Also whats up with girls talking shit of their “best friends”? I’ve seen million cases of this. Either a girl is jealous of her friend so she talks shit of her in front of other people to make them dislike her so she’s supposedly now their favourite out of both of them however, in reality I’ve never seen this work out well. That person you’re trying so hard to make them believe that your best friend is a slut has a brain to think of their own and realise that you’re the one talking bad of a person that you tell everyone is the closest person to you. Wouldn’t it be to obvious which one is the person that shouldn’t be trusted? For all the times I’ve seen this happens, usually either this person is seen on her true colours instantly or everything just comes out later.

Ahmad told me about something like this a few days ago, a girl was talking bad of what she told him was her best friend and he was so surprised as to what she was doing and I bet he was even more surprised to hear that this happens a lot in the Girl World. Oh and Also my friend Berry (or like we like to tell people that were twins) got a call from an old guy friend a few days ago who was her ex-best friend’s ex. He stopped talking with Berry long time ago and it turns out that Berry’s ex bestie used to tell him lies about her to make him hate her because apparently he used to like Berry before her. Like seriously he went out with you anyway wtf do you want?

I don’t think I’ve ever been put in this situation because gladly I don’t give two hoots about all this crap and I’ve had a good senses when I choose who to befriend or maybe its happening right now and I have no idea of it? Hmmm also I do happen to have the memory of Dory the fish… Boo idc xD see? Life is much easier that way.

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How cute are my anklets? So cute, eh? Just wanted to share this picture even though it has nothing to do with what I was saying ^~^#

Have care free life!
Buh bye

-Panda/Deww