Beach Please

I could start every blog post from now on with how its long over due and blame it on college which isn’t true because I’m a procrastinator, meaning that I had multiple occasions where I could have updated this goddamn blog but chose admire my bedroom’s ceiling instead. Seriously though, I’ve wasted so much time this year just laying in bed and enjoying the beauty of my ceilling while day dreaming about me having a life. Which I do have a life I just choose to ignore it and lie in bed. Beds are addicting, I gotta tell you that.

Moving onn. I think it was after our midterms when Alice and I decided to go to Sukhna (Egypt) for a day with friends. It was a really good and needed day in my life. We got to rest … While making fun of our professors by the beach. sighhh

 

The amount spent fishing that day was ridiculous; close to 9 hours maybe ? Oh god I don’t even want to count. Kinda glad I don’t fish. It was another friend who supposedly fishes all the time. He ended up catching a pathetic looking fish – no discrimination against any fish though XD It was so embarrassing, I mean I wouldn’t have been surprised if we would have fished a “it’s not me, its you” note from the ocean. We tried all typed of baits available and it was obvious the ocean hated us. At least I learned how to open shells.

We collected a lot of cute looking shells and rocks that come to think of it now – our friend took them home and we haven’t seen them since 😐 along the way, we found a tiny crab (?) that we named Shelldon and gave him an empty shell as gf in order to trick him into poking outside of his shell.

 

-Panda/Deww

Advertisements

Single by choice…. My choice

A few weeks ago I’ve been asked out by a new friend, but of course I turned him down. I don’t know why, but I haven’t fallen for anyone for a really long time. I didn’t find it weird until Ahmad stated that its not “normal” I guess? Its not my fault though now one has been living up to my expectations hahaha 😛

Usually when a guy compliments me, it attracts me to them however, this time it didn’t. Not even a little bit, even if his compliments were showering me, I couldn’t scroll up in our chat without finding a comment he said about how nice or pretty I am. Still it didn’t build any feelings in me, I didn’t want him to stop neither did I want his feelings towards me to go anywhere. The dude even ordered a book about Japan because he knew how big my love is towards Japan. It was pretty obvious that he liked me and I tried to dodge the likes he was throwing at me in every way possible. Here is something about guys: they only hear what they like and their brain does not register what they don’t like. I’ve thrown countless of comments on how I couldn’t care less about relationships and it seemed to walk right passed him, he wouldn’t even wave goodbye.

I don’t really want a relationship that would go anywhere and the way he talked showed how much he would want the love story crapp – know a girl at young age and marry and get
Kids when older so it kinda freaked me out. I don’t even want to get married for god’s sake and the thought of just being with the guy forever didn’t feel good. I don’t want to “settle down”, I’m just 17 almost 18 and I have no intentions of getting married someday and I want to be alone for some time. Like live alone and travel alone, not tied down to anyone. Just the thought of relationships is too restricting. Mainly due to how Egyptian guys love to be in control of the girl.

I don’t plan on getting into a relationship any time soon and if I do, I’ll make sure that the unfortunate guy knows that the relationship wont go anywhere and of course there must be attraction. I almost got mad at myself for rejecting the guy and question myself on how bad it could be, luckily I knew it would be really bad because I don’t like commitment.

Something that I learned about guys is that when they like someone, they see them as perfect. I don’t like being seen as perfect because I know I’m not, I’d have to keep up the person’s expectations that I know I’ll never be able to live to keep up with them plus I cant see anyone as perfect, that’s a part of myself that I really like because its built up on art; see the pretty in ugly and ugly in pretty, perfect is an illusion and I dot like it. Would that make me the bad guy in the relationship?

-Panda/Deww

Perfect Boyfriend List ❤️

20140129-115512 pm.jpg
Is that suppose to be the perfect boyfriend list?

1. Every person alive on this (and other planets) planet is taller than me unless they are infants.

2. Why would you go out with someone mean?

3. Okay funny guys go into my list. Not quite sure about the shy thing, like a 2% shy because I’m already shy. I don’t want to be the person asking for dates and trying to start the conversations.

4. Not in public >.>

5. Yes I’d like to be able to hug other guys and not having him jealous. Wtf? All human beings are the jealous type.

6. I don’t really like touching people. Esp if your hands are sweaty.

7. Guys who can draw or sing instantly attract me and probably 90% of the girls alive.

8. If you ever want to be in a relationship, i think you should be caring and respecting.

9. I really hope that he’s not in my school. I cant spot anyone attractive in that damned school.

10. Its a must. I don’t wanna go out with someone who thinking I’m ugly, d-uh!

11. If i love you, suddenly you become cute so i wont notice if you have bad teeth or anything XD

12. Yes please! I’m sick of buying guy shirts.

13. If he’s Egyptian then i don’t have to add that to the list. Its almost a tradition to tease everyone around you if you’re Egyptian.

14. CHOCOLATEEEE @,..,@

15. Yea right. Forever pffft -___-

20140130-124106 am.jpg
Incase you cant see the translation in red, it says “then why do people get in relationships”

Yea. My perfect boyfriend list:
1. Chocolate

I found this picture on 9gag which you’re suppose to choose between 3 options and live with it the rest of your life.

20140130-012009 am.jpg

I’d like to be intelligent and good looking.

After a look at the triangle i realised irl I’m non of these, sad eh? But I’m a positive person so here is what i did

20140130-012217 am.jpg

My own vain pink triangle of only me and it GLOWSS! How awesome is that? Ya’ll can sweat together in all 3 corners of the crowded triangle hmphh! I have my own fucking triangle.

Wahahahaha so I’m gonna end it here since I’m very tired! Good night lovelies!

-Panda/Dew

My Best Friend

Hello everyone!
My bestie wrote this awesomesause … “Thing” – idk what is it suppose to be called, an essay on life? I would say a diary post but he’d tell me men don’t keep diaries. Annnyway XD I’m just gonna paste it here so you guise could read it because we both would like to share it. Buckle up your seat belts and ready yourselves since this is a long post.

Enjoy~

Ahmad:

He woke up thinking about her, not the girl he loves no she broke his heart a long time ago, he was thinking about his best friend, she hurt him the day before, which wasn’t the peculiar part he was used to people doing that, what really confused him was how he felt afterwards. She made him feel pathetic and that made him angry, not the feeling he used to get before, usually he felt like it was the inevitable happening “I deserve it” he thought.
No he didn’t deserve it he was a normal boy drowning in problems caused by people that didn’t care that it was overwhelming him because he listened in a world that turned listening into a lost art so they would talk about their problems and he would feel bad for them and then they would lash out because he didn’t know what to say but to him words were useless, they were just words what difference did it make if he used them for love or hate they would never actually listen the just liked the gesture and he wasn’t interested in wasting his breath. Ironically he would listen to the insults and he would let them stab him in the back and humiliate him because he didn’t know what else to do, they were all he had. For the first time in his life he was thinking “I don’t deserve this, this isn’t even my fault.” It was beautiful, after 17 years he finally understood that other people having problems didn’t justify the way he was treated. Could it be that the sessions with the therapist had actually worked? Right now that didn’t matter what mattered was his best friend he would have to fix things with her because even though it wasn’t even his fault, she was his best friend and that’s what friends do.
He felt numb, he simply felt like he did not give a fuck, and it felt exquisite he loved days like these no matter what happened today it wouldn’t matter. He called his dad, who took his time to make fun of him for going to a therapist, he told him that his sister was really upset and that he should call her and make sure she was okay. After it was done he felt nothing, no anger, nothing I guess the world does grant some wishes. He thought of death but he proceeded to think about his dream of a small house with a dog and a wife that made going home something to look forward to, it wasn’t much but it was what happiness and freedom looked like. “I wish people would realize that happiness is simple it’s basically just loving what you’re doing.” Maybe happiness is what you think you can never get or was that greed? He could never tell. He was going about his normal daily routine when he saw that the girl he liked had texted him, he still felt numb so he didn’t get that usual happy feeling, I guess there’s a downside to everything. He texted her back thinking about what his therapist told him “Pick the girl that supports you” he had said he wondered if she was the supportive type, she had listened to him when he was actually talking to her and she was opening up to him. It’s funny how the world works. He met her through a mutual friend, Courtney, her best friend, incidentally Courtney’s other best friend Courtney 2, which is what he liked to call her for obvious reasons, had told him she wasn’t interested in being his friend the first met because “It’s enough I have to listen to Courtney talk about you I don’t want to have to talk to you to.” He told her he wasn’t interested in talking to replicas so she needn’t worry her little head, which earned him a death stare but it was definitely worth it. The girl he liked, Jennifer was really cool and she obviously liked what he had to say, he wasn’t sure if she liked him back or not, to him it didn’t really matter that much he always thought he was lucky when he liked a girl because it always meant she was special and having someone special in your life should always cheer you up.
His opinions were usually weird; he also saw no point in keeping things a secret he simply didn’t care if people said things about him anymore. Why should I care about the judgment of people I would never have as friends. He went to his room to read his head was flooded with his own thoughts, he needed something to ground him and a book seemed like the perfect solution, but while he was looking for a book he was contemplating how he had come to accept his flaws he hoped others would do the same. Maybe I’ll end up saving the world, God knows they need saving.

-Panda/Cookie

P.S. He got an A* in English second lang.

PP.S. I used to copy his homework.

PPP.S. I got a B, wtf XD

Happy Pills

… I’m sure all of us wanted to have “happy Pills” in a lot of times of our lives. These past two days have been too sad for me and apparently my mum too. Something about I’d like to share is that I can sometimes control how I want to feel. I hate being sad. I just have to remember or create something happy/funny in my mind and BAM! I’m happy. Of course it doesn’t always work, but I always try. Whats fun in being sad? Anyway, not everyone can make/force them self to forget the sadness or get out of depression, so I wanted to share how do I make myself happy. I’d love to help people get out of their sadness because I know too well how depression can ruin your life and if you manage to jump out of it – if you’ve got anxiety disorder like myself – your brain will criticize every way you used to think or act and make you want to burn yourself down.

 

I managed to get myself out of the two day long sadness by getting out of the house. I live with my dad and he comes home late. Like very late, so sitting alone all day brings a high risk of me getting back into depression. Especially that I do like staying home alone, makes it hard for me to realise I need to get out and talk to people.

 

Today I called my mum and pretty much forced her to come pick me up so we could go out. My mum is definitely a happy pill for me. Followed by chocolate of course. chocolate is love, chocolate is happiness, chocolate is life :”) … I need therapy for my chocolate addiction. Wahahhahahahaha XDD

IMG_0321[1]

We went straight to House Of Cocoa, of course. This store is going to get us broke for sure. Amazing chocolate, major expensive.

IMG_0310[1]

Chocala definitely adds colour to my life. I just hope it does’t get till the point of hallucinations XD

 

IMG_0312[1]

IMG_0314[1]

 

I decided to hide the GNAW strawbie choco before my dad gets home and try the hot choco spoon.

It didn’t not taste like how I expected. I was suppose to use a bigger mug because it was so concentrated and add hot milk instead of boiling water I think, FML.  I was not sure milk would work in my case since I warm it in the microwave. Also you need a lot of sugar to taste. I felt vomity when I tasted it without any sugar, it could be that I used water instead of milk though lololol. I drank some of it and then added milk and warmed it, def tasted better but I still should’ve used a bigger mug. I think I’d like to try it at the store first and see how they do it. At 23L.E. thats probably the cheapest thing they sell.

I made this mug using a sharpie – doesn’t work well so I recommend you don’t try it. I wrote “don’t let the muggles get you down” :3 made it for my bestie but since it wont last I’m gonna keep it and print him one.

We bought some a lot of chocolate then headed to sit at Brioche Doree.

IMG_0284[1]

LOL at the waiters. They look like they’re fanboying over something, smh XD A lot of places are too lazy to remove the christmas and new year’s decorations *yawn* can you blame them? On a totally different note, How pretty does my purse/wallet look?

 

IMG_0316[1]

IMG_0317[1]

I bought new Faber-Castell pastel pitts colours and pwetty gold beads on my way home.

 

~~~

I guess that’s it. Just 2-3 hours a day and I feel happy till now, which is 3:43 in the morning, FML. I need to sleep. I’m just too scared to wake up to something that would ruin my happy mood. Whenever I get so happy something happens to pull me back down to Earth. Sad, I know. Whats the point of trying to feel happy when everything around me aims to throw me into depression again? The feeling of being happy for at least 5 minutes is good for me. I’m not greedy. I’ll grab whatever I can get and will never stop (hopefully). I day dream about a lot of stuff that I want to happen in the future. Like, I want this blog to become successful – whatever it takes to do, I will do. I dream about becoming a successful interior designer. I dream about travelling a lot. I dream about meeting people, because no matter how much friends I have now, I still feel alone. I dream about making my country, Egypt, a better place. I dream about being able to help people not just stand there listening to what they’re saying and being able to do a thing. I dream about being pretty and so far this is the only thing I am able to work on.

Life is Like a car, right? But I’m not in the driving seat. I can’t drive without my license and my license is hidden somewhere. I cannot find it yet, but I will find it someday.

Good Night ❤

-Panda/Deww

P.S. nodi_268@yahoo.com ~ mail me whenever you want, I’d be happy to offer help.

PP.S. Follow me one weheartit

PPP.S. I just discovered this song by Mohammed Mounir, its nice :3

 

 

Catching up – Cairo Festival City

Hello everyone!

I have buttload of stuff to share. I’ve been lazy and since most stuff I’m gonna share are so overdue, it kinda lost it’s vibe. However, nothing special happened today and remembering good memories would always make me happy.

 

This was back in November:

Image

We (Sissy+Mum+Bro) went to Festival City and spent pretty much the whole time in Toys’R’us checking out toys and using the Gacha Machine. I think I finished my money on the Gacha machine that day. One coin for 10L.E. wtf -____-” when mum decided to try it too it made mew feel better that I wasn’t the only one willing to waste money on that machine. 

Image

I played the Super Mario machine to get the life shroom. Made mum promise if she gets the life mushroom she’ll give it to me. My first win was a dead turtle. I win, right? because the turtle killed itself before I even jumped on it.

Image

 

Of course mum has to be so lucky. She won a rare item on the first try. Gahh why aren’t I that lucky? I asked mum if she would exchange the turtle with the mushroom and she wouldn’t agree. Like the babies we are – we stood in front of the machine fighting over it. Trying to pry it from her hands wouldn’t work so I bit her and by then everyone had their eyes on us. wahhahahaha XD I didn’t give two hoots though #gotthemushroom.

 

we played a few more times and I ended up with another dead turtle while mum was playing on the Pokemon machine trying to win Snorlax. She doesn’t know who the hell is he, she just said that he is fat and cute. Snorlax wouldn’t pop out of the machine though, she won another pokemon that I don’t remember. Eventually she came back to the Super Mario machine and again she won something I wanted.

Image

Yep… Another rare item that I needed, if only it could actually make me bigger! again with the fighting over it and biting. People came and asked us about the game xD 

Image

I won fucking Disney games from a Super Mario machine. I don’t even understand how they mixed both up. I disliked Disney items though, because you have to put the parts together to create character and since they are made out of rubber, they are so effin’ hard to put together. If you look at Pluto’s eyes you can see its missing a part and it makes him look like he has one pupil. I lost the part and it wouldn’t fit in anyway. I own a disabled rubber dog. 

Image

Image

Cutest of them all! Just look at how adorable he is. Le Mum ended up taking one of the Dumbos and let me take everything else xD Please ignore my santa night gown :’) 

 

Gonna post s tutorial for the bow nails soon ^-^ yay?

 

How did you guys spend up your new year’s eve? Alice slept over. I think I want to post the pictures from that day, I’ll just have to get back to Alice about that and finish editing them. We only edited 2 wtf -.- major lazy.

 

I updated my Photography+ My Trip post so please check it out 😀 

 

buh byee~~

 

-Panda/Deww

 

Whats your plans for the future?

Hello everyone!
I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before, but your Panda is now a senior student. Last year in school before I major in something and life actually becomes real because we would use the information we study.

What do I want to major in? Last hear I had like million plans on what I want to do and if this plan doesn’t work I have a plan B but, all these plans have went right out of the window as soon as I was officially a senior. Very stressing! Life would be serious after school because I’d be studying what I’d use in the rest of my life if I find a job.

Another stressing thing is that I’m now 17? Wow, I always imagined people at that age are mature and tall which is quiet the opposite of me. I need to grow like 15cm more to look 17. Usually no one believes I’m 17 TT_TT I’m not sure though if its because I look young or that I’m short or that I stutter when people ask how old am I. “How old are you?” “Umm – uhh – six-seventeen!” -.-#

However, today is different! I’ve made a choice of who I will be. What my job is. Everything.

20130922-010534 PM.jpg
Isn’t it everyone’s dream? Well I’ll probably reach it before anyone does though 😛

We’ll also live in Venice since zombies cant swim so it would be safe, I’ll just have to get out of Venice when its time for killing.

20130922-011628 PM.jpg

-Panda/Deww