Beach Please

I could start every blog post from now on with how its long over due and blame it on college which isn’t true because I’m a procrastinator, meaning that I had multiple occasions where I could have updated this goddamn blog but chose admire my bedroom’s ceiling instead. Seriously though, I’ve wasted so much time this year just laying in bed and enjoying the beauty of my ceilling while day dreaming about me having a life. Which I do have a life I just choose to ignore it and lie in bed. Beds are addicting, I gotta tell you that.

Moving onn. I think it was after our midterms when Alice and I decided to go to Sukhna (Egypt) for a day with friends. It was a really good and needed day in my life. We got to rest … While making fun of our professors by the beach. sighhh

 

The amount spent fishing that day was ridiculous; close to 9 hours maybe ? Oh god I don’t even want to count. Kinda glad I don’t fish. It was another friend who supposedly fishes all the time. He ended up catching a pathetic looking fish – no discrimination against any fish though XD It was so embarrassing, I mean I wouldn’t have been surprised if we would have fished a “it’s not me, its you” note from the ocean. We tried all typed of baits available and it was obvious the ocean hated us. At least I learned how to open shells.

We collected a lot of cute looking shells and rocks that come to think of it now – our friend took them home and we haven’t seen them since 😐 along the way, we found a tiny crab (?) that we named Shelldon and gave him an empty shell as gf in order to trick him into poking outside of his shell.

 

-Panda/Deww

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Paranoid?

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Ever stopped and wondered about what people thought of you when they first met you? I always was under the impression that people didn’t think much of me. I’m just this quiet tiny girl sitting there with nothing to say to join in on the subject being discussed. Even-though there are a 1000 though crossing my mind, I struggle to find something to say. I might have a lot going in my tiny head, but there are like 0 thoughts that are related to whats happening around me – I’m always lost in thought. Due to my zoned out nature, its hard to consider that people see me as an interesting person.

Since I started college, I realised that people see more to me than I think I offer. There is no complaining that they still see the quiet girl, its just that apparently I give of a mysterious vibe. I’m impressed, you know. I didn’t even need to use a smoke device and wear black shades to appear mysterious. Something about me spiked some of my new friends’ interest. Just today I was told by a new guy friend that since the first day he saw me I captured his attention despite being quiet, he felt like there is something about me he needs to discover – which by the way he still hasn’t figured out what it is. He isn’t the only person that admitted to me that they thought that I seemed interesting even if I look rather unsocial. I think he was the one who inspired me to write this now because he’s literally 180 degrees different than me. He’s loud, confident, has his life together – basically he has a life while I feel like mine has been invaded by the forced drama. Earlier today I was thinking about how this person probably thinks I’m annoying which proved to be wrong as he texted me when we got home. Its just that I felt like I’m treating him like my old friends so I might have been “overly friendly” or “clingy”.

As much as I am happy to discover that I appeal interesting to some people, I’m super scared. I don’t like losing people and I tend to hang on to the memories they left me with which keeps me up at nights thinking why did they have to leave my life considering whatever situation it is that we passed through that made us part paths. I don’t feel like that any new friend I’m making will last for some reason. I’m pretty sure they’re not as paranoid as I am about this subject as I think I managed to show them that I’m a stable ground to them? They’ve mentioned it every once in a while that I’m a really good friend and don’t get me wrong they are good friends too its just that I think I’m comparing the level of comfort I have with my old friends whom I consider closer than family and the level of comfort I have with friends I’ve known for like what? A month? I Think I’ll just have to deal with this on my own since the problem lies within the irrational tangles of my brain.


-Panda/Deww

Vanishing Freedom

It feels like little by little the control I have over my life is being stripped away and its not like I have much control over it any ways, but it does matter to me. I barely have a lead on anything thats going on with my life but I thought at least I can enjoy the little things that make me happy. Like rain. It rarely rains in Egypt so I would soak in it in the few days it rains over here and now he wants to take that away from me too? I’m getting bottled up and I have no idea how I’ll explode this time. One thing I know for sure is that my explosion would do only worse for me and it wont affect any one else. I thought starting college will give me my own life but it didn’t. It just takes up hours of my day, nothing more. My life is still under the invasion of my family and I have no idea if I’ll ever be free from this but I’d like to think positively of my future… Its whats keeping me breathing.

Even though I’ve already started college I cant stop my day dreams of me being a different person in college. Its not like I can easily change the real me to fit the cookie cutter of the person I made in my head.

I’m not sure how I’ll survive college. The only thing I used to be good at is drawing – its what made me unique. Now I’m thrown in with a bunch of other potential artists so that makes me not interesting at all. If anything, I’m less. They all have trophies to remind them of the things they’ve done while I’m just sitting there realised that I’ve pretty much done nothing in my life. I can’t even change that because my only talent was art which I know that I’m not so good at and I accept this, I just hate how much of a no-lifer I am.

You know what I would like for to happen? If this blog became famous. When I first started this blog I wanted to be like Xiaxue; I know that its like aiming for the stars, but this blog was a part of my day dreams. I’m not sure if I can make this blog big, but I enjoy blogging so I’ll keep going and see where this will go.
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-Panda/Deww

Getting Ready tips and tricks + College Ramble…

Lately I’ve been really busy with college work. I’m already accepted in one college but I’m not so sure if it would be right to attend it as it doesn’t have the department I’d like to study, which is interior design. However they teach it as a course so there is that and its like 10 minutes from my house so thats a huge plus. The college I’m applying for now is the MSA and literally has everything that I want, but with one set back. Its too far and how long I take on the road varies due to traffic. I can take either 30 minutes which isn’t bad or 2 hours which is really bad considering that I’ll be studying arts & design which would give me buttload of assignments to work on with just a little time to do them in. I could keep going on with this argument but I’ve probably bored you already.

For the rest of the week I’ll be attending this art course offered by the MSA to prepare me for the exam. Tbh I don’t really need it, especially after seeing other students’ works but I thought it would be a good experience and it would warm me up to the college as it freaks me out; I even already made a friend.

I woke up super duper late today, somehow I managed to sleep through my alarm and 3 people calling on my phone to wake me up. Its like I died or something. I got ready in less than 10 minutes I think which has never happened in my life before. I take at least 30 minutes to get ready. Fortunately I packed my back the night before.

Tips on How to Get Ready Fast

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9am

4pm. Slightly oily on the nose.

4pm. Slightly oily on the nose.

Makeup:

  • Nivea Men After Shave Balm in Sensitive as primer
  • Lancome Teint Idole Ultra 24H foundation applied with a sponge
  • Essence All About Matt! Fixing Powder
  • Essence Lash & Brow Gel Mascara to keep my brows in place
  • L’Oreal True Match Blush in Tender Rose on my cheeks
  • L’Oreal Miss Manga mascara
  • Essence XXXL long lasting lipgloss is 06 soft nude/matte effect

If you’re late then definitely skip eyeliner, it just takes why to much time and if you mess up then you’ll even take extra time to clean up and make sure it didn’t leave a muddy mess behind.

If you guys watch Nikkie Tutorials then you’ve probably seen her use the Nivea aftershave balm as primer and I really wanted to try it. Its so good tbh! I’m really oily so makeup usually melts of my face easily, when I tried this today my makeup was on from 9AM to 5PM OKAY?! THATS PRETTY EPIC. I was a bit oily on my nose but it wasn’t that bad. Usually my makeup would have melted by the time and I’d be so freaking oily the US would want to invade my face x.x” The all about matt! powder really helps too. On its own, it reduced my oiliness with approximately 40%

The L’Oreal true match blush is super duper awesome to as it highlights as well as giving pink natural blush to the cheeks so thats efficient and time saving, right? XD

Hair:

I put my hair in a messy bun the night before and slept with it on so I wouldn’t have to deal with hair in the morning XDD

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Clothes:

When I know I should be waking up early I ready my clothes the night before as I know I’m not and never will be a morning person, but if I fail to so I just put on a basic tee and jeans and bam! Thats it.

Here is a trick, always keep gum in your bags and purses. I didn’t have the time to have breakfast or coffee so thats good because my mouth wont stink as bad and sometimes the tooth paste just doesnt feel enough so gum it is. Keeping a pack in all your purses will solve and stinky breath and you won’t have to run around the house looking like a lost penguin searching for something to make you less stinky.

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Pictures of the university:

We were taking the course in the Pharmacy building for some reason, this is what it looks like ~

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The view of the campus

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Art & Design building ~

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Its so beautiful!! (>o<)

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Selfie just because x3

Something I really enjoy is that I’ll be seeing the pyramids and nile on daily basis if I do enter this college. I can’t get my head wrapped around the fact that the pyramids is one of the world’s seven wonders and I get to see it whenever I want yet some Egyptians don’t really care it that much.

-Panda/Deww

Losing a friend…

Losing a friend is hard. Especially when you’ve done a lot to them and be treated back with Ungratefulness and realising how shameless the person is. I wasn’t hurt however. I knew from the start that our friendship wouldn’t have lasted, but still I was disappointed.

I received her as a shipwreck and did my best to fix her back and I did a pretty good job even though I didn’t get to finish my work. I’m pretty proud of myself.

Knowing that she needed a lot of help, I still wanted to befriend her and help her out through her rough time. I continuously ignored my friends warning of being near her and stood up for her, reasoning that she was lost and is finally finding her way back on the road.

Being beside her made me happy, not just because I was helping someone but because she unknowingly made me stronger. I didn’t expect to receive shit from this friendship as I knew she was too broken to lend a helping hand and I was okay with that, but know she has something of mine that wont help her any way possible, but you still insist on ignoring me and wont give it back. I did not expect this shameless-ness or rudeness from her.

I expected to be hurt from the way she’s acting and surprisingly enough I’m not. I cannot wait to get my wallet back from her to finally cut all strings that keeps us together. It would relief me from that rage and anger I hold towards her.

As if God is trying to tell me not to care about her, he sent me one of her friends to wish me a new year and just by that he becomes a good friend of mine. He might not be the best person to befriend, but he respects me and faces what he did wrong instead of pretending to be a good person.

“I don’t regret one bit that I let you in my life, though I deeply hope that you would tilt your hear down and look at the gold ring on your finger that I gifted you and feel it burn with shame you should be feeling.”

I really wish she would come back and apologise – no I wont lend her my friendship again but at least I would know that she believes I’ve don’t good for her. I know I did good for her, I don’t need a confirmation. I just want to know it didn’t go to a waste.

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-Panda/Deww

Art Makes Death Beautiful

#1

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I was sitting in Starbucks the other day when I saw this flower. I really liked how the dead flower looked esp beside the still alive ones. It freaked me out that I saw beauty in death. This flower died due to how the employees mistreated the plant. Though others still were alive, it made me think what if it died just to rescue the others, like sacrificed itself? Because they weren’t provided with enough water to keep them all alive. Even if they wont live healthily but they will live… Hope. Maybe that they will be treated better in the future.

Its not scaring me as much as when I first saw the beauty of the dead flower. After thinking for a while and coming to this conclusion “hope” – I find it even more beautiful.

I wonder what others think of artists. Probably something along “those people should be locked in a mental asylum” XD

#2

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This was the sky in Egypt last Tuesday. I was sitting in arabic private lesson when I saw this. My teacher could not see the beauty of the sky “its something that he sees everyday”. It wont be special until he loses it – obviously you cant loose the sky but you can loose you’re sight then it will be special. As an artist, I cant wait to have time to draw it. I just love looking at the sky. How it looks different every other hour.

I cant help but think that it looks like its hugging our Earth. Maybe because of the crap we do to it.

#3

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You know who else needs hugs? Yea, kids. Humans.

Love 146.

Humans are the most mistreated creature on Earth and what makes it worse is that the only thing able to mistreat humans are humans.

#4

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All humans are made out of mud but were not mud, were something beautiful – more precious.

Just like diamonds; its made out of the same element as graphite but its structure made it different. One is weak and the other is strong.

Humans are the strongest creatures and the only thing that can break us is other humans.

Are humans good or bad? I don’t know but like any other person I did loose hope in the good.

There are not a lot of strong people and mostly the strong people are the bad ones. Like those girls that were kidnapped, I wont say they were all good but no matter what they did not deserve to sold for sex daily just for the pleasure and money of other humans.

We might not know anything about the girl number 146 but the look on her eyes made the investigators not loose hope in helping these kids. ( if you don’t understand what I’m talking about then watch Michelle Phan’s video here http://youtu.be/u4k2whreYSI or read this love146.org)

Honestly reading stories like this makes me grateful for the not perfect life I’m living. Whenever I feel like complaining I just search the internet for stories like this. I cant offer much help except praying and raising awareness. I just think its better than just reading it and not even pressing a button to share it.

I hope number 146 is somewhere safe as long as other girls. I just wish that someday she’ll know that by not giving up she encouraged other girls not too.

There are more stories like this waiting to be discovered. Its sad to know that there are more stories similar/far worse than this taking place right now but its good to know that people are working hard to help and rescue them. Trying to make a better place for others t live.

Humans have been on Earth for so long and were still alive and giving birth. If humans were so hopeless we would’ve been extinct by now. The fact that were still alive means something – means that we should do whatever we could to help bring justice and spread hope and good deeds around.

… Chocolate is good… I demand you send me chocolate. Don’t add raisins in them please, raisins are bad XDDD

Sorry I felt like I was too deep xD

#5

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I cant help but think about Death Note. Was Light bad or good. He kind of judged people and killed them even if they were given a second chance. Like the guy that he killed to show Ray Penbers that he’s kira – the one that worked in the cafe. I think he was charged with murder and he got away with it. This guy was working which might indicate that he regretted what he had done and saw that when he got away with murder was a second chance for him to be good or maybe not. However Light shouldn’t be the one to kill him, even if he deserved to be killed. That means Light is bad? Well not exactly. Light sacrificed himself for other people to live safely. In the end of the manga, Matsuda said that the criminal rate dropped a lot when Kira was punishing criminals. So he did good for other people.

The person to use the Death Note shall not go to heaven or hell. I think the writer added this rule just because he couldn’t decide if Light should go to heaven or hell.

That’s it for today I guess, sorry for not updating for a long time.

Thank you for reading,
Panda/Dew

New hair colour! – red panda

I dyed my hair reddish on Valentines day aka full moon day aka werewolf day.

Its not really as red as I wanted it to be because my hairdresser was scared to add more red since my hair is already light colour and I had already ombre’d my hair from my natural dark blonde to light blonde (several tones of blonde). She was scared it will come out too

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Instead of having a cool undertone for my hair, now its warm. I still have blonde in some places, esp shows in the back of my hair.
Old hair:

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New hair:

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Its a pretty good colour as I decided on going to prom with a totally different hair colour. Like big change. Pink or more obvious red.

I’ve been having second thoughts about going to prom. Idk why but prom is scary. Im celebrating the last year in school with mostly people who I don’t like or I don’t even know. I’m just going for the sake of the dresses. I balanced out the cons and pros of prom and the pros won by one reason.

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This is how I sometimes settle arguments between myself. I do like a voting thing.

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I got gifts one valentine… From my mum XDD WAHAHHAA at least I got something xPP

I’ve been chatting with this guy friend whom I used to crush on. Actually not really crush on. I was attracted to him at first, but I think it just faded away. Now I don’t know how I feel about him.

He asked if I had a date and I said no. The conversation made me feel like it would result in some flirting but it didn’t. Later I opened Instagram to find that he has a gf and he never told me about her. Not sure why he didn’t. It kinda confused me but he’s nice to me so I’m guessing he’s just like this to everyone.

I have buttload of homework to do plus I’m sick so I’ll be major slow. I should get started now. Goodbyeee!

-Panda/Deww