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Ever stopped and wondered about what people thought of you when they first met you? I always was under the impression that people didn’t think much of me. I’m just this quiet tiny girl sitting there with nothing to say to join in on the subject being discussed. Even-though there are a 1000 though crossing my mind, I struggle to find something to say. I might have a lot going in my tiny head, but there are like 0 thoughts that are related to whats happening around me – I’m always lost in thought. Due to my zoned out nature, its hard to consider that people see me as an interesting person.

Since I started college, I realised that people see more to me than I think I offer. There is no complaining that they still see the quiet girl, its just that apparently I give of a mysterious vibe. I’m impressed, you know. I didn’t even need to use a smoke device and wear black shades to appear mysterious. Something about me spiked some of my new friends’ interest. Just today I was told by a new guy friend that since the first day he saw me I captured his attention despite being quiet, he felt like there is something about me he needs to discover – which by the way he still hasn’t figured out what it is. He isn’t the only person that admitted to me that they thought that I seemed interesting even if I look rather unsocial. I think he was the one who inspired me to write this now because he’s literally 180 degrees different than me. He’s loud, confident, has his life together – basically he has a life while I feel like mine has been invaded by the forced drama. Earlier today I was thinking about how this person probably thinks I’m annoying which proved to be wrong as he texted me when we got home. Its just that I felt like I’m treating him like my old friends so I might have been “overly friendly” or “clingy”.

As much as I am happy to discover that I appeal interesting to some people, I’m super scared. I don’t like losing people and I tend to hang on to the memories they left me with which keeps me up at nights thinking why did they have to leave my life considering whatever situation it is that we passed through that made us part paths. I don’t feel like that any new friend I’m making will last for some reason. I’m pretty sure they’re not as paranoid as I am about this subject as I think I managed to show them that I’m a stable ground to them? They’ve mentioned it every once in a while that I’m a really good friend and don’t get me wrong they are good friends too its just that I think I’m comparing the level of comfort I have with my old friends whom I consider closer than family and the level of comfort I have with friends I’ve known for like what? A month? I Think I’ll just have to deal with this on my own since the problem lies within the irrational tangles of my brain.



Blog-tember challenge Day 28

Monday Sept. 28: A day in the life. Take us through it with you.”

Bonjour! So today was the first day of college and boy, was it tiring. Mainly because I didn’t sleep at night – had a fight with the mother and kept thinking about ot all night >.< gotta say though, it feels good when they call later saying that you were right XD

Anyway lets get started,


The dad driving me

For the outfit I wore my favourite colour, blue along with white. I don’t want to say that white is a favourite colour of mine since I’m attending art school and “white is not a colour, its a shade” so yea, this white thing, I like it XD

For makeup I think the most important thing is the face makeup? Like if you put eyeshadow and stuff I’d feel like its too much since I barely use eyeshadow when I’m hanging out and eyeliner is just setting people’s expections of me to high. I’d rather if people have low expactations of me so then I can surprise with them with the least things (really helps if you’re lazy). 

  I did the most stupidest thing today but I’m not even madd. I looked at the Sunday’s schedule instead of Monday and was so confused when I found my class emty. I was like wooow its just the first day and already class is cancelled? I have to be honest though, at that time I couldn’t help but think about how unorganised this college is then my friend came over and told me today is Monday XDDD
Oh my god I’m so stupid. Already first day and I managed to skip a class since my friend pointed my mistake after an hour and half had already passed. But its only rigjt for me to skip on my first day of college since I skipped in KG1 – first day of school, its kinda like an education ritual for me XD I literally just didn’t want to go back to class after the break so I just got into one of those human size playground worm things and slept, only to be discovered by the cleaners later and returned to my class. I was 5 years old I think? You cant expect any different from a 19 year old mee!





Going to the buses ~

Walking home after bus drops me off. 

Since I hadnt slept the night before, I just took a quick shower and went to bed. 

That’s it for my day, I have a full day tomorrow so I just hope I get to sleep again to I can go through the day. I slept in my last lecture today due to how tired I was >.<